I was actually asked to write about interracial dating. The truth is, I have dated outside of my race and I know lots of people who have so it is not really a progressive idea anymore to me. I feel like there are plenty of interracial couples out there that it is not a big shock like it might have been like 15-20 years ago or so.

If you are going to decide to date outside of your race there are some things that you will need to be prepared for.

#1  There may be some cultural differences that you will need to give some serious thought on if you can deal with.

#2 Are you going to be able to have a proud attitude, walk with your head up and not go around with a chip on your shoulder?

#3 You will need to give thought that if you have children with someone outside your race, questions will arise about where they fit in like why is mommy white and daddy brown? Or why does my brother look white but I look brown? Basically be prepared to deal with issues of bi racial children.

Honestly, I don’t believe in color but I do see an importance on background and if the two of you will have enough in common to deal with issues together that will not divide. As with any relationship, it is important to take your time and get to know one another. Talk opening about deeper issues and the issues that will arise in your courtship. This will help the two of you in your communication and know exactly where you stand when it comes to your somewhat controversial relationship.

My biggest bit of advice is to be proud of who you are with, don’t let yourself get into a hole of self pity or go around with a chip on your shoulder. Be confident that you chose your mate and let backhanded comments slide off your back just because you know deep down that they are ridiculous and you would not even give any attention to such ignorance, it is after all below you!

Dating Coach, Dawn Donohooo

It is so important that we know the signs of emotional abuse. If you do not know what it is then there is the danger that you can end up in a relationship with emotional abuse and already be in so deep that when you finally do notice that you are in one, it will seem too hard to get out of.  One way to know that you are in an emotional abusive relationship, is if you feel like you have to walk on eggshells for someone. Also, if your partner puts down your family, friends and your beliefs you can be sure that you are in an abusive relationship. Having someone part of your life should never take or hurt the others in your life.  Take care of your heart by never letting someone destroy it!

Ask yourself these questions

Do you feel that you can’t discuss with your partner what is bothering you?

Does your partner frequently criticize you, humiliate you, or undermine your self-esteem?

Does your partner ridicule you for expressing yourself?

Does your partner isolate you from friends, family or groups?

Does your partner limit your access to work, money or material resources?

Has your partner ever stolen from you?  Or run up debts for you to handle?

Does your relationship swing back and forth between a lot of emotional distance and being very close?

Have you ever felt obligated to have sex, just to avoid an argument about it?

Do you sometimes feel trapped in the relationship?

Has your partner ever thrown away your belongings, destroyed objects or threatened pets?

Are you afraid of your partner?

Dating Coach, Dawn Donohoo

Signs of an Abusive Relationship

Does the person you love…

• constantly keep track of your time?

• act jealous and possessive?

• accuse you of being unfaithful or flirting?

• discourage your relationships with friends and family?

• prevent or discourage you from working, interacting with friends or attending school?

• constantly criticize or belittle you?

• control all finances and force you to account for what you spend? (Reasonable cooperative budgeting excepted.)

• humiliate you in front of others? (Including “jokes” at your expense.)

• destroy or take your personal property or sentimental items?

• have affairs?

• threaten to hurt you, your children or pets? Threaten to use a weapon?

• push, hit, slap, punch, kick, or bite you or your children?

• force you to have sex against your will, or demand sexual acts you are uncomfortable with?

I have personally experienced abusive relationships more than once. The first one, was with a man who controlled everything I did, he allowed me to have relationships with my family but did not allow many friends. Throughout the relationship, he controlled everything about me. It started out with he just loved me so much that he was scared he was going to loose me, this being his excuse for anytime he manhandled me or cursed me into submission. I became such a different person, and didn’t even notice it. The only thing that I knew was I had to live my life in a manner to keep him from going nuts. It was horrible. Thankfully I got to my senses, because there was one thing that I knew to never accept and that is a man cheating on me. So I got out of it and felt freedom that I lost with him and started to see all that was so wrong with that relationship.

The other relationship that was abusive, was with a boyfriend who put me down and everything I believed in. I was not sure what he was doing because he would also counter act it with how in love he was with me. It didn’t make sense! That relationship finally ended and I am so happy that I escaped that relationship as well.

When I say that I have been through a lot, I really mean it. I have had enough relationships and enough experiences to teach others how to see the signs before getting in too deep. Girls and Boys look at that list and pay attention. Abuse not only hurts but it steals the very you that is so valuable. Never let anyone control or abuse you. Your life is worth more than any lover,and if your lover is doing anything that would make you feel less valued or taking away relationships that are valuable to you then they do not deserve to share your life with you. Ultimately you want someone who loves exactly who you are and has no agenda to rule over your life.

Dating Coach, Dawn Donohoo